Salocin

A First Day At Work - Bad Karma

There's something about first days at work - something mystical and cosmic - that draws down upon the new employee the cosmic weight of all the bad Karma they have accumulated since they last started a job. At least I hope that's the case, because I'd hate to think that what happened to me on Thursday is simply an act of rough, ruthless random chance.

I drove my brand new second hand car to work, and arrived early - as you do when you're being cautious about traffic. I asked to see my new manager, and found that he was not yet at work, so after receiving a bright shiny guess pass to the building, I went back to my car to go down the road and buy myself a coffee at the local petrol station.

My coffee quickly consumed, I returned to the office closer to the appointed time, and parked the car. I admired how the central locking closed all the doors at once - I haven't had a car in almost 3 years and I'm noticing all the little things, like central locking, so as the little knobs slid into the doors in unison, I thought, 'isn't that great, I don't need to worry about leaving the car unlocked'.

As I walked towards the front door of the building, I reached into my trouser (pants) pocket for my guest pass, and as it came out, so did the car keys, which fell gracefully straight down, missed the floor, and also (somewhat maliciously, if you ask me) missed the grate that covers the drain that I was standing on at the time.

Despite the valiant efforts of a security guard and a gardener, the sewer proved too deep, the water too murky and the contents too slimy and voluminous for my keys to be recovered. But I had a cunning plan. At home were the spares. I would do a good days work, then I would take a taxi home (12 miles, more or less), get the keys, take the taxi back, and drive my car home - problem solved. So I ordered the taxi for the evening, and went to work, trying to put this problem out of my mind until later.

Once I got home, I went looking for the keys, and after 5 minutes, it occurred to me that (1) they were not here. (2) I had been wearing my jacket when I bought the car 2 days ago, and quite possibly they were still in the jacket pocket, and (3) my jacket was in the back of the car. Back at work. 12 miles away. Locked.

Central locking is no longer my friend.

So I take the taxi back, and we stop at a garage along the way, where an interesting conversation ensues.

"Can you get into a locked VW Polo?"

"Sure guv'nor".

"Because, you see, I've locked myself out of my car."

"Right, and you want to break into it to get the keys?"

"Yes, that's right".

"S'easy".

"Oh good".

"Just don't ask me to bend the door back into shape when I'm done, mate."

"Never mind then, I'll be going now. You stay here."

Then I call the AA (automobile association, AAA to you yanks), where we have another conversation...

I'd like to join the AA please.

Of course Sir, that costs 99 pounds for a year's cover.

Excellent, because I've locked myself out of my car.

In that case, Sir, it'll be 154 pounds.

Right, I'll call you back. (hangs up). Wankers.

Then I call Dyna-Rod - the drain cleaning people. "We clean drains Sir, we don't fish keys out of them, you should call the council. I'm absolutely convinced they can do that for you". Well I'm not convinced, but I don't have a better idea at this point.

So I call Bracknell Council. "We're the city council, you need to call the county council, they deal with drains". Ah. Local Government Nuance.

So I call Bracknell Forest Council. "Oh of course Sir, I know just the person you need to speak to, I'll just call him. (long pause). Oh dear, I think he's left. he was going on holiday for the Christmas period tonight. Anyway, since it was in a company car park that you lost them, I'm afraid that's at least 3 metres outside Council jurisdiction and he would probably not have been able to help you. Anyway, in 11 years, I've never heard of us helping anyone with this problem". Always the same with officials, can't tell the difference between 'able' and 'willing'.

So I finally call the RAC (Royal Automobile Club, competition to the AA, for the yanks), and ask them how much they'd charge me to break into my car, and they say 112 pounds including the one-year membership, which is cheaper than the AA, and so I figure I don't have all that much choice, although if the keys aren't in the pocket of the jacket, I've no idea what I'm going to do. The RAC respond in record time because a van just happened to be driving past at the time (I figure my bad karma reserves had finally run dry), he broke into the car in under 5 minutes, without permanently damaging the door, and the keys turned out to be in the pocket of my jacket, which allowed me to finally draw a line under the entire sorry episode that was, my first day at work.

Posted by nlvp at December 16, 2004 10:44 PM