Salocin

My eyes are fine, in case you were wondering

I went to the optician today. I don’t wear glasses, and my desire to get my eyes tested is probably driven by a combination of the fact that my company will pay for (most of) the cost of the check-up, and a pathological need for attention. That and the occasional late-night headache when I’ve been staring at a computer screen for the better part of 12 hours and obtained 90% of my calories for the day from the sugar I put in my coffee and the remaining 10% from stress-related chewing of the fingernails.

I went to a Vision Express in Holborn – a clean place with more staff than customers and a minimalist look a bit like the modern frames that cost more than could be justified even if they were made of solid platinum.

The staff/customer ratio played in my favour and they saw me straight away, despite having an appointment schedule that looked fully booked.

So they stare in your eye with a little light, and give very technical instructions such as, “look to the right” and “read the bottom line on that chart over there”. Then they make you wear The Goggles – a pair of frames designed such that nobody will ever want to steal them, and they slot lenses into them over and over while asking you to read the same letters over and over, or describe which of two circles appears the clearest.

It turns out that there’s really nothing wrong with my eyes, apart from a case of astigmatism and long-sightedness so mild that it’s at the very bottom of the range of prescriptions available. Staring at computer screens for long periods of time will tire me, but then it would, wouldn’t it?

The optician recommended I wear glasses if I’m going to be staring at a computer screen for hours. I lied and claimed that I didn’t stare at the screen for long periods of time, thus earning myself the right to be reincarnated as a dung beetle or something.

It’s just that choosing frames is one of those fashion decisions I’m doomed to get wrong no matter how much thought I put into it.

So here I am, typing this in, staring at the screen. What the hell, I figure the slight blurriness probably helps me get by from day to day anyway.