Salocin

I love threatening letters that come through the post. since more often than not they're written by a computer with no ability to make a nuanced judgement, and they're sent out erroneously, it makes for good fodder for this site.

The latest is from the British TV Licensing Authority. You see, in the UK you need to have a license to own a television set. That's how the BBC pays large salaries to a collection of self-important people who mostly bear the title of "controller" and collectively do apparently very little in a suburb of London called White City.

Rumour has it that TV controllers spend most of their working day having meetings. That way, if anyone asks you what you did today, you can shake your head ruefully as though you've had a really hard time, and say "wow man, loads of meetings, so much going on, too many projets, I'm gonna ask for a raise". The additional benefit of an infinite supply of tea and biscuits means you don't need to leave the room for sustenance, and the fear of getting anything done is banished by the twin pillars of not having the authority to do anything even if you wanted to, and the knowledge that if you don't do anything, you can't get anything wrong.

Meanwhile, I get threatening post so their salaries can get paid. Which is all the more interesting since I live in Paris. Got to love Royal Mail forwarding.

YOU ARE HEREBY GIVEN OFFICIAL NOTICE
 
THIS PROPERTY IS CURRENTLY UNDER INVESTIGATION
 
Dear Mr. [insert hopelessly garbled surname here]
 
Your address has been identified on our database as being unlicensed despite having been sent a license expiry notice and an overdue notice.
 
If you are continuing to watch or record television programmes without a license at this property, it is my duty to inform you that:
* You are breaking the law
* You are risking criminal prosecution in your local court
*You could face a fine of up to £1000 ($2100 last time I checked, and still rising steadily).
 
blah... blah... blah...
 
Please be aware that electronic detection equipment may be used to obtain proof that you are using your TV without a valid license. Please also be advised that we have applied for internal authorisation for our Enforcement Officers to visit your property. You may be cautioned under the Police and Criminal Evidence Act (1984) or under the relevant criminal law, and a statement taken.
 
blah... blah... blah...
 
John Hales
National Manager
TV Licensing Enforcement

Oh no... they might take a statement.

Seems a little heavy handed for the crime of owning receiving equipment without a license, but hey. The fun part is that I left the property in question in May. That's over 8 months ago.

I also took the trouble at the time to call the TV licensing authority to tell them I was leaving at the time, and the nice lady who's job it is to deal with such things took my details and said everything would be Ok. She even took the trouble of sending me a form to fill out to get a refund on the previous year's TV license since I still had some months to go on it, although I couldn't find the bit of paper they'd sent me saying they'd leave me alone for a year, which was necessary in order to claim a refund. Don't know why I bothered.

At least Royal Mail forwarding works well enough to communicate the threats to me over here in France, where I don't have to pay a TV License... Or at least I wouldn't have to if I owned a TV....